Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
