once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just high enough for therapy.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
