Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
