for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
