I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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