So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's rum buckets o'clock
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
