I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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