Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
