fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
50% drunk capacity currently
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
