Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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