ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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