i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
