let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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