We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
