if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So drunk its hurt
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
