So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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