oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
