Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
