i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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