just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
