i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
