Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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