Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
