I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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