He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
