My hand turned me down
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
