I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
