he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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