this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
