hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
