Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
