morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
