i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
