well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
