My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
