our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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