i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i came on her dog
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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