Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Best friends brother. Beat that.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
