I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
