you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
