I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
