The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
