Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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