it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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