yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
