I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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