She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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