in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
