hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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