I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I understand Curling. That high.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
